The disorganised life of Chloe Sullivan
by K. Ackles
Summary: Chloe makes a list of what she can’t remember. It doesn’t help much. The story grows from there. *Slash-y-ish-ness* Rated PG13 just in case.
1. The Discovery

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine *shock!* If they were, I would be incorporating my sick, sad ideas into the script, and not spending my nights writing ff.  
  
Warning: Contains slash. Don't like, don't read. Simple as that.  
  
Chapter 1: The Discovery  
  
"Ok, now I need to see Lex, Lana and Mrs Kent, then over to the great barn to work on my chem. project with Clark, and over to the Torch to finish off this damn article." Chloe was running through a checklist she had drawn up, so that she could try and get herself organised.  
  
She may be the Editor-in-Chief of The Talon, but her life was in a complete state of confusion. She had lost track of what she had to do, and when she had to do it. She was at her wits end when Pete and Clark brought up the idea of writing things down. Why she hadn't thought of that before was a mystery to her, but she thought it was a good idea, and so she was writing it all down, which is how we come to find her at Luthor Manor.  
  
"Who is it" the intercom asked her.  
  
"Chloe Sulivan, here by appointment to meet with Alexander Luthor" She wasn't sure why she called him Alexander, but it seemed more formal to her. Alexander for business, and Lex when they were friends. They weren't really friends, but she acted civil around him for Clark's sake. Why he liked Lex was another of life's mysteries, but she liked Clark, and that was enough to keep her usually wide-open mouth shut.  
  
Walking in Luthor Manor was like walking through the chamber of horrors, you knew that there was nothing to be afraid of, but there was something about the place that made you wonder if maybe you should be afraid. Well, not much scared Chloe, only a strange fear of blue flowers, and she wasn't sure why, but that wasn't quite right to her. The sky is blue, not flowers. It's just so wrong! Her mind was never on track, always wandering off the topic, as she was shuddering at the thought of blue flowers, she came to the door at the end of the hallway.  
  
She could distinguish Clark's voice on the other side of it, even if she couldn't hear what exactly it was saying.  
  
"Convenient," she thought, "now we can get right over to the barn, and I don't have to search all over the place for him to get this lab assignment done. Thinking nothing of it, she swung open the door, and before she even processed what she was saying, "Clark I want to see you after I've spoken to Alexander." An "Oh My God" and finally "Pete owes me $10" quickly followed that. 


	2. What Clark Got Himself Into

Chapter 2: What Clark got Himself Into  
  
"So wait, let me get this straight" started Chloe, "You two...aren't" They shook their heads in unison. Chloe sat back into the leather chair. "Oh man, Pete so owes me $10."  
  
"You and Pete bet that I was gay?" Clark looked hurt.  
  
"Of course not, we would never do that."  
  
"But then-" he started  
  
"We always knew you were gay Clark. The moment you traded your flannel and denim for leather pants and fishnet shirts we kinda figured it out."  
  
"Oh" Clark thought he had hidden it better than that. "But then what were you betting on?"  
  
"That you and Lex were getting it on at the mansion."  
  
Lex looked thoughtfully at Clark and then made a strange face at Chloe.  
  
"What?"  
  
Lex closed his eyes and grimaced. Chloe got the hint.  
  
"You didn't." Lex nodded. "In this chair?" Again with the nod. "Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww" Chloe let out as she jumped off the chair. She was about to sit in another chair when he made the same face. "Here to? What about that one" nodding "and there" more nodding. "Is there nowhere in this house that you two HAVEN'T been???"  
  
"There is one place..." Clark said.  
  
"Where." Chloe said matter-of-factly. She really didn't have time for this, she had work to do.  
  
"In the bed." Finished Lex.  
  
"Why does that fail to surprise me?" Asked Chloe, with a blank look on her face. "Can we get on with this interview, Mr. Luthor, or do I have to stare at Clark's naked ass all day."  
  
Dammit dammit dammit. She said to herself. She had always liked Clark. And even when she knew he was gay, she couldn't help liking him. Because, maybe they were wrong, and he wasn't really gay. But he was. She had a crush on a gay guy. It sounded a lot more pathetic when she said it that way. It's not so bad, she thought. But some part of her had always hopped that maybe he wasn't gay, and maybe adolescence was changing his style. Now she had to face up to the truth that Clark was officially off the female market, and somewhere inside her, she didn't want to realise that. Not now, not with the prom coming up. Now who would she take?  
  
Dammit, the one thing she had going in her life is gay. So much for being organised. Oh well, she could have already asked him only to find out that he is gay. "Hey Clark, will you go to the prom with me?" "I cant I'm taking Lex" "Why" "Cuz I'm gay, Chloe, duh" She would have felt really stupid then. But then again-  
  
"Ummm, Chloe, are we getting this interview started now or what?" Lex brought her out of her illusion, and she saw that both men were dressed, and they were sitting, with her, cross-legged on the bed. "Ok, shoot. What do you want to know?" 


	3. Off to Lana’s House We Go

Chapter 3: Off to Lana's House We Go  
  
Well isn't this just dandy. Chloe looked at her list, looked at the door, and double-checked her list. Writing things down doesn't help if you can't read what you've written. She could barely distinguish the 'Lana Lang' part, let alone the bit reminding her what she had to do here. Dammit! This idea wasn't working out too smartly at the moment.  
  
Oh well, Let's give it a whirl. Just knock on the door and ask for Lana. Maybe she'll know what the hell I'm doing here.  
  
"Hi Chloe. What can I do you for?" Nel answered the door. She's such an annoying git, thought Chloe. I'm so glad I didn't just say that out loud. Oh crap, maybe I did. Are those bluebells over there. Blue flowers are-  
  
"Chloe, are you there?"  
  
"Oh right" She was woken out of her daze. She flashed her million dollar smile, and asked if she could see Lana.  
  
"Lana is at the Talon, she works there everyday after school."  
  
Chloe smacked her forehead. Duh! I knew that. I've only watched her walk over there every single day for the past six months.  
  
"Thanks Nel. Sorry for the bother" and she flashed another smile and left.  
  
~*~*~ at the Talon ~*~*~  
  
"Hi Lana" there goes the smiling. She couldn't help it. Whenever Lana was around, she couldn't help smiling. The sort of smile that comes from nowhere, and brightens your day.  
  
"What can I get for you today Chlo?" Lana stood over her, with a smile which was definitely a product of Collgate. Wow. You have good teeth.  
  
"Thanks"  
  
Oh crap. I just said that out loud. Not good. She started blushing. I'll have a cappuccino please.  
  
"With just a sprinkle of cinnamon on top"  
  
they both said at the same time.  
  
"Be right back"  
  
Did Lana hold her glance for a little longer than she should have? Does my hair look all right. Dammit! That seemed to be the word of the day. She quickly ran her hands through her hair, and then it struck her. I have a thing for Lana Lang. Oh my god. When did that happen. Well…I suppose she's off Clark's market.  
  
"Here" Thanks Lana. You look great in that apron. It brings out your eyes. Dammit! I need to stop have conversations with myself out loud.  
  
Hey. Maybe you can read what this says? I wrote it down earlier, and, I'm, erm, not sure what it says. It's my list, and I see your name on it, I'm just not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with you. Or for you. Or whatever. Chloe started blushing. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, it sounded really bad. 


	4. What that damn note actually said

Chapter 4: What that damn note actually said  
  
"Here, I think it says, stop by coffee shop and make small talk with Lana, then, hmmm, what does that say?" Oh holy crap. This is not good. She started blushing. Dammit. What a way to spill your coffee. All over everything. What a pity. Oops. Well, it's the best thing she could come up with, all right. Don't be so critical. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. Her surprised look didn't cover her bright-red face very well. "It's fine. Let me wipe that up for you." Gaze. Wow. You really have amazing eyes. Oh crap that was out loud again.   
  
Lana proceeded to clean the table in front of Chloe. Slowly. Deliberately. Like shoving her chest in Chloe's face would solve anything. Hello? I mean- hey I think I like this. So this is what goes on in strip clubs. Strip Clubs, there's an article to put in the paper; "Strip Clubs. What Guys really do in there." Maybe Pete can help. Oh crap. My list. Oh crap. This organisation thing really bites. Oh wait. Lana's still moping up coffee in front of me. Flaunting all of her feminine attributes right in my face.  
  
Oh my god. Is Lana flirting with me? Oh my god! That's why she never went out with Clark. But what about Jockstrap? Lana likes me. What am I going to do. Oh wait. I like Lana. I should have written that down. Oh wait. I did. And she read it. And now I'm here and- aaaaaah. Chloe felt something on her stomach. Lana had stopped mopping the coffee off the table, and had started mopping the coffee of Chloe. This is not good. This is a public place. People are watching. She hopped out of the booth abruptly. I'm going to leave now. See'ya later Lana. Bye. And she left.  
  
"5...4...3...2...1" counted Lana, out loud. And Chloe marched right back in the Talon, grabbed her sopping wet list out of Lana's hand and left again. And she marched back in, and grabbed her bag. And she left. One last thing. My laptop. Now I think I can leave. Bye Lana. See you at the Talon later. We still have some work to finish. Lana Lang likes me, Lana Lang likes me. Ha. Eat that. The one thing Clark Kent can't have wants me. I so rock. But Clark has Lex. No fair. I love his cars though. That metallic purple Porsche is hot. So's Lex actually. And so's Clark I might add. Clark! The barn! Chemistry! This list needs re-writing. And off Chloe scampered to the barn. To see the guy who used to like the girl who likes me. 


	5. And Then The Barn

Chapter 5: And then the barn  
  
*A/N: Just had an odd day, so this chapter is more angsty than the other ones, but don't worry. My funny muse and I shall only be parted for long enough to give this story a plot.*  
  
Okay Clark. Hey, did you know that I have a thing for Lana? Yeah. I used to have a thing for you, but now that you're gay, I've realised that I am too. But I'm not actually gay. I'd say I'm bi. Well, if one third of the earth is gay, and the other two thirds isn't, and one third of those two are men, and half the other third are women, then I have a shot with more of the population than a straight person, or a gay person. And if I'm lucky maybe one will ask me to this bloody prom. I mean, if there's 6billion people out there, then she had a chance with at least 25 million people, and surely one of them would ask her to the prom.  
  
"Chloe, I'm sure someone will ask you to the prom."  
  
She'd been having her conversations out loud again. She really needed to stop that. It was getting disturbing. Hey Clark. What are you doing here?  
  
"This is my barn, Chloe. Do you know where you are? How many fingers am I holding up? Nurse! I think we need some help over here."  
  
Clark could always make her feel better. Oh crap. She was thinking about Lana just before the prom rant, wasn't she. Not good. Hey Clark. So how much of that conversation did you hear.  
  
"The part which started when you entered the barn."  
  
No really? Sucker punch him.  
  
"Ow." You know what I mean goof-ball.  
  
"The part just before you started messing around with the world's gay statistics."  
  
Oh crap. That isn't too good. Play cool. Let him bring it up. If he asks, then I'll tell him about her.  
  
"Who?"  
  
Dammit! I should stop thinking altogether. That would solve this problem pretty well. Nothing Clark. I just, used to have a crush on you. Crap. I know that was out loud. She looked up at his face just in time to see the sentence register on his face, but he let it slide.   
  
He knew that she said lots of things she didn't mean to say. That's why he tried to get her organised. Him and Pete figured that if they could get her together. She wouldn't reveal things like that unintentionally. But he knew she wanted to talk about it. And he was still her friend.  
  
Clark I-  
  
"Chloe. We need to talk. I know I never told you guys I was gay, but lately it seems like our friendship has a bit of a rift."  
  
Wow. Being gay has really had an effect on his personality. He's so open. Well, Clark. I have something I want to tell you. I like Lana.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
And I think she might like me to. And I don't know what to do about it. I seems so...  
  
"Weird? I know how you feel. You forget that I was gay first."  
  
You know, they say that it's pre-determined at birth?  
  
"That still makes me gay longer than you."  
  
Well...I'm not gay, Clark, I'm bi.  
  
"The school begs to differ."  
  
Excuse me? Well that's news. She was so going to start rumours in the Torch about whoever started that one about her. Clark has such a hot laugh. Well what do they have to say about me? I'm curious.  
  
"That if Lana was any more obvious that you would trip over her. Funny, they used to say that about you and me. Guess who did the tripping" and he winked slyly at her.  
  
Great red blush, badly covered up with the million dollar smile. Thanks for that Clark. Can we do this chem homework now. If I don't get it finished now, I don't know what I'll do. I can't read my to-do list, so I guess I'll have to write another one.  
  
"Here. I'll help you" 


	6. The One I Can't Be Bothered to Name

Chapter 6: The one I can't be bothered to name  
  
Okay. Hmmmm...Chloe threw a dart at her Wall of Weird. All right then. She opened her eyes and looked to see which strange happening she would be tracking today. Oh Crap. Lana. Of all the places on this entire wall to hit, I hit Lana. Right in the heart. I have to admit, it's kinda funny though. And just a tad ironic.  
  
"What's ironic?" Well two can play this. It's not like I'm totally oblivious to what's happening. Oh, I was just throwing darts, and I ended up hitting you right in the heart. Strange, isn't it. Smooth. Oh yeah, Chloe 1 - Lana 0.  
  
"Isn't it though?" Good comeback. 1-all. Wow. Damn Lana, you are looking fine today. Did I mention that I love your purse? And your hair looks really sexy when you braid it. You should wear it like that more often. Your skin is so smooth. Wow...it really is, soft and silky. Some cliché, Sullivan. For an aspiring journalist in the big-time you come up with some serious crap.  
  
And enter Clark. Damn him. I love him to pieces, but dammit! Clark. Smile. How can the Talon help you. More smiling.  
  
"I was just looking for Pete? Have you seen him?"  
  
And, ummm, why are you looking for Pete?  
  
"Cuz he's the token black-guy in this show, and *K. Ackles* says that he needs to make an appearance in this fic, otherwise someone in this great wide world will accuse her of racism. And she doesn't feel like putting up with a lawsuit at the moment, because she needs to study. So like I just said. Where's Pete?"  
  
Okay Clark, I'm not even going to pretend I understood any of that. But no, I haven't seen Pete. And if you don't mind, Lana and I are trying to work on this. He's probably off somewhere with his *new* best friend, Jockstrap.  
  
"Okay then, well, I need to go find him, so *K.* doesn't get sued. So excuse me. Maybe he'll bring you some coffee later, or something useless, yet inclusive."  
  
Coffee...mmmm...coffee, espresso please, and bagels, with cream cheese. And tell him to knock before he comes in. Thanks Clark. Say hi to Alexander for me. Wow, Lana, you have amazing eyes. I think I'm lost...  
  
Now where were we?  
  
"We were just about to run off the draft copy of next week's Torch so you can proof read it later."  
  
This damn printer is jammed again. Dammit! Let's see if this works. Youch! Dammit! That smarts!  
  
"Here. Let me have a look"  
  
No problem, look to your hearts content, and then we can get on with this damn paper. Somedays I wonder why I don't quit. And then I 'conveniently' remember that being editor of the school paper gives me the platform to launch my career as a journalist. And more importantly, I can work until dark, and then on my way home, I can't see all of those creepy blue flowers which litter this Kansas hell-hole. And Chloe, in case you didn't notice, Lana is sucking on your hand, and you are thinking about those bizarre blue flowers. But they're just so wr- Pete! Learn how to knock boy! Thanks for the coffee. I'm in the middle of something at the moment, but thanks for that quick appearance. Bye. And just as Lana is about to pick back up where she left off, farmboy pitches up again. GO AWAY FARMBOY!  
  
"Ok, so that was Pete, and he made his appearance, so *K. Ackles* would like to say that now she can't be sued. Back to the way you were." And Clark sped, very literally, out the door and over to Lex's, where they were getting on at the mansion (just in case you missed that part).  
  
And so Lana and Chloe ended up spending the night at the office. I don't feel like getting into all the kinky little details of what happened that night, but I suspect that you have read enough other fiction to put whatever you want here. But no S&M. Just good, clean, Kansas hell-hole fun, all right. 


	7. Kissing a Gay Guy

Chapter 7: Kissing a Gay Guy  
  
Holy crap. I just spent all-night sleeping at the Torch with Lana. Literally sleeping. We didn't actually do anything. Odd isn't it. All I can think of for days is what I would do to Lana if I got her alone, and now that I get her alone I'm so damn tired that all I do is bugger around with the paper, and sleep. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? But she looks so damn hot when she's sleeping. And so innocent. It's hard to remember all the things I was thinking about her when she's looks like that. Here, this hair is in your face, I'll just move it, so I can see you better, and then I'll let you sleep. So smooth. Beautiful complexion, and-  
  
"Hey Chloe. Hey Lana. Lana? Chloe...?"  
  
Dammit. I hate this school. Well, they shouldn't be surprised. They have been expecting this for a while. They have been waiting for proof that I'm a lesbian, and now they have it. I should go make-out with a guy...that'll make them question my motives... oh man, I can have so much fun with this. Hey, where'd that kid go? Off to get an audience I suppose. Oh well. Good for him. I need to get this paper together and, as they say in the business, 'hot off the press!'. Sleep well Lana. See you in Math.  
  
*A/N: Thank you for putting up with my 'temporary' insanity, and the plotless ramblings. Hopefully the story is getting back on track. I took out the last bit, and made it it's own story, cuz it really didn't fit. If you haven't been reading since the beginning, don't worry about it.*  
  
~*~*~*~* Cafeteria *~*~*~*~  
  
So Clark, what do I do now? The entire school thinks I'm a lesbian, which, I admit, is at least half true. I /I like Lana, and I know you've been through all of this already, so please tell me what I can do! I'm at my wits end!!  
  
"Well, first of all, I didn't announce to the school I was gay by falling asleep in it with Lex, now did I. So they don't think it, you told them. Secondly-"  
  
Wow...he tastes like any good farmboy should. Like...homegrown produce, fresh, earthy, not like dirt, cuz that would be gross, but he tasted so...alive.  
  
"Ummmm...did you miss the part where I told you that I'm gay? Or was that a dream. Was you and Lana-"  
  
No, I still like her, but by doing that, I just sent the entire lunchroom in a frenzy, because they think I'm a lesbian, and you're gay, and maybe that'll make'm think twice before they pass crappy rumours about me. And I've always wanted to do that. Devilish grinning. More devilish grinning.  
  
"What, kiss a gay guy?"  
  
No, kiss you goofball. Sucker punch. Ow. We both know the only thing that hurt was me. Big baby. Come on, I need to go grab something at the Torch office  
  
"Don't you mean someone?"  
  
Haha Clark, watch me laughing. I need a cuppa, and my stash is upstairs. And I'd like to Lana about that, because by the time somebody else tells her, the story will have metamorphosed into the two of us having full-blown sex on the table. I think she should hear it from me, before that happens.  
  
"Remind me why I have to come with you? I mean, these pants are impossible to walk in! I'm going to split the seam!"  
  
Moral support you ninny. And besides, you are going to tell her that it meant nothing, and was simply an opening point for my editorial.  
  
"Now it's my turn to be confused. But I'll move swiftly on with a new topic. What are you going to do with that interview on Lex?"  
  
I'm going to publish it, as is.  
  
"Even the bit while he's laughing because I was licking his ear?"  
  
No, Clark, not that part.  
  
"What about the part where you started yelling at us to just have sex, so you could get on with your interview? I would like to make a personal request. Please don't publish that part. My dad reads the Torch, and I don't think he would handle it as well as mom."  
  
Well, I won't write your name next to it.  
  
"If I remember correctly, you said, "Clark, if you want to screw the man, get it over with, because I want him back! I don't think the school will understand the lack of sexual connotation. They are horny, hormonal teenagers. They'll start calling me your bitch. I don't think I can take that!" Clark pretended that he was having a break-down, then burst out laughing, and flashed his equally appealing Crest-smile at me.  
  
Okay, first of all, how did you get your pitch up that high? You sound like a girl! And I do not sound like that. You make me sound like a sex-crazed maniac for god's sake! And what makes you think they would say that you are my bitch, and not the other way.  
  
"The fact that you were barking orders at Lex and I like a sex-crazed maniac-ow. Okay, I deserved that. Like a horny- all right. Now stop that! You were barking sexually conotated typish orders at two full-grown men. That would make us your bitches. Technically Lex, would be your bitch too. But he's my bitch, so lay-off, k."  
  
I don't want Lex, Clark, and I would have pegged you as the bitch, just by the way. Oh, here we are, I'll be out in a jiff. Oh dammit. Lana doesn't look happy. What the hell is Shaun doing here? 


	8. And the Plot Thickens

Chapter 8: And the plot thickens!  
  
Oh crap, this doesn't look good. Lana, dear, back away from the Shaun. Good, now put your hands where I can see them. Great. Now disregard anything he may have told you.  
  
"Chloe, this isn't a cop drama. This is serious!"  
  
Crap. That wasn't supposed to be live commentary. Dammit!!! So, ummmm…wait did he have to tell you?  
  
"That you two,"- wow, nice evil glare. You've been around Carrie for waaaay to long- "were making out in the lunchroom."  
  
"With excessive passion, if I might add."  
  
Oh shut up Shaun, or I'll snap your pen in half, and then you'll suffer. And it wasn't 'excessive passion', Lana, I just leaned over and kissed him. And in case you didn't notice, he's gay. Hence the leather pants.  
  
"And I swear Lana. It didn't mean anything."  
  
Thanks Clark, and I'm really, really sorry. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise our friendship. I just wanted to all those rumours floating around about us.  
  
"So is that all it is to you? Just a rumour. Just friends? I thought you were a lot of things Chloe, but I didn't peg you as somebody who played with other peoples hearts. Sorry, I'll just leave."  
  
Lana, Lana, don't go. Lana, wait. LANA! Crap, she's a fast runner.  
  
"Chloe! Chloe dammit! I can hardly walk in these pants! Running isn't exactly easy. Dammit. WAIT UP!"  
  
Dammit! Crap. Now what the hell do I do? Clark, why the hell are you wearing those damn things if you can't walk in them?  
  
"Ummm…they make my butt look smaller and Lex likes them, cuz they make him-"  
  
All right. I did not need to know that. Forget I asked. Now what do I do about Lana? I really like her Clark, and now I just feel really crappy about that.  
  
"I say we forget about her, and have a girls night out. What do you say?"  
  
What about Pete? Won't he feel just a tad left out?  
  
"Is Pete a girl?"  
  
Clark, technically, are you a girl?  
  
"No, but I'm more of a girl than he is. *sigh* And if you really want, he can come."  
  
Oh, stop with the pouting already! Sheesh. It makes you look constipated. And I don't know if I'm ready to give up on her just yet. Clark…where's Lex right now? I want to ask him a favour.  
  
~*~*~*~* At Luthor Manor *~*~*~*~  
  
So, what do you think I should do Alexander?"  
  
"Please, call me Lex. And you are asking me, the king of love-em-and-leave-em, for advice?"  
  
"heeeeeey…"  
  
"Oh not you Clark, you're the special one"  
  
Oh god. Get that damn sick look off your face or I think I'll throw-up.  
  
"What do you think I can do about it? Give you some good advice on how to win someone back?"  
  
Hey. I figure, you've been with enough women…ermmm…people, I figured that you must've done something to one of them, somewhere along the line.  
  
"Well, thanks for that vote of confidence, Chloe. But to be honest with you, I never had to beg a woman to come back to me, they always came back themselves. Luthor's don't apologise, because they're never wrong. My father always told me- Clark, knock it off. That miming thing is real crappy coming from you. Stop it! Or no sex for two whole hours."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Make it three."  
  
"but Lexyyyyyyy…that's soooo long-"  
  
"cut it out or I'll make it four. And stop pouting. It makes you look constipated."  
  
Haha! Take that Clark. Who's the bitch now! Ooops. Sorry Alexander, you were saying?  
  
** "Why don't you ever call me Lex?"  
  
I do sometimes. Alexander.  
  
But what would recommend? I don't know what I'll do without her Alexander, I honestly don't. I'll never be able to go to the Talon ever again, withour fear of having a blue flower, purposely tossed into my cappuccino. That's torture. I really, really, need some help Alexander. Please.  
  
"Oh, all right. I'll help you"  
  
Thannkyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!  
  
A/N: I ripped the lines marked (**) off of Alias. Please don't sue me. 


	9. Lex is Usless just read the chapter!

Chapter 9: Lex is Useless  
  
Okay, say asking Lex for advice is, like asking Clark why he wears leather pants if he can't walk in them. The answer makes sense, but it's not what you're hoping for. So we try our next option. Good Ol' Ma Kent. She wouldn't refuse help to a poor unfortunate soul, like myself   
  
[hums]Those poor unfortunate souls, it's sad, but true...[stops]  
  
I really need to stop watching those Disney films. My life is turning into one long musical! It's a little disturbing...I swear, just as I was about to ask Clark to the prom, I heard John Mayer's 'No Such Thing'. I'd swear to it!!! And y'know, that's exactly what I felt like doing...running through the halls of my highschool. But that's just my delusional mind.  
  
*knockknockknock* [whistles] I'm knocking on heavens door, knock knock knockin on heavens door...[whistling stops]  
  
That's Bob Dylan, isn't it.  
  
Actually, it was Bob Dylan's, I was whistling the Guns 'N Roses version to myself, but I don't suppose you can tell when it's whistling, can you? OMI...was I just flirting with Mrs. Kent???  
  
Did you say something dear?  
  
No, no.  
  
Would you like to come in?  
  
Yeah sure. Knock it off Chlo, she's straight and married, and 30 years your senior. That didn't stop Celine Dion did it? Well no, but she's your best friends mother. Well at least it's not my mothers best friend.  
  
Are you all right Chloe, you seem a little pre-occupied.  
  
No nothing, I'm fine Mrs. Kent, I just...well I've got some problems with my love-life, and I can't talk to my dad about them, and Lex was no help, what with Clark licking his ear the whole damn time-  
  
Excuse Me???  
  
Ooooops...that wasn't bright Chloe. Default million-dollar smile.  
  
Well, it's not like I didn't already know Clark was gay. I mean, when he asked me to sell his jeans and flannel so he could buy leather pants and fishnet shirts, I kind of figured that out. You know, I always wondered what he did while he had no clothes in his closet.  
  
Oh, he went over to Lex's and they had sex in the pool. I don't know Mrs. Kent, maybe he played hooky and stayed in his room all day.  
  
Well, I suppose I should tell Bo.  
  
Bo???  
  
Sorry, Jonathan. So many people have started calling him Bo that I picked it up. It's a Dukes of Hazard reference. Jonathan absolutely loves that show. You know, he looks just like Bo, so I guess that's where it comes from. Anyway, I'm going on. Why don't you have some pie and tell me what's bothering you.  
  
*they both walk into the kitchen humming the Dukes of Hazard theme to themselves*  
  
So,-I-have-a-thing-for-Lana,-and-then-I-kissed-Clark,-and-now-Lana-is-mad-at-me-but-it-didn't-mean-anything-and-I-just-want-her-back-what-can-I-do-I-don't-know-if-I-can-live-without-her-Mrs.-Kent-this-is-going-to-drive-me-crazy!  
  
Calm down, and eat your pie and explain to me what happened.  
  
Well, I'm bi right, and I have this sorta...thing for Lana, and she likes me back, and then I kissed Clark, just because everyone was talking about me and Lana-  
  
Lana and I.  
  
Lana and I, and I just wanted to shut them up, so I kissed Clark in the lunchroom, and then Shaun told Lana before I did, and he made it sound like we were having sex on the table, which we weren't, by the way. And then I went up o tell Lana, and because Clark's goddam pants were too tight, he could run any faster, and Shaun got there first, and Mrs. Kent, I really- I need help, because I think that I'm going to go crazy without Lana. I really am.  
  
Well, it's about time those meteors took their toll on you lot. My generation had to deel with it.  
  
Excuse me, huh?  
  
~*A/N *oooh...a cliffy*  
  
*Sorry I ripped off so many things, but that's what happens when you listen to Weird Al. I think I credited everyone in the text though. If I didn't you can sue me for rights to this story, if you really want it, cuz it's really all that I own!*~ 


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